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I wanted more. [18 Apr 2015|09:46am]
To sleep perchance to dream... Nay, no dream can wash away this film of reality.
To seek dreams is to find understanding, some peacefulness. When none is to be found, one looks toward the wakeless dreamless slumber that will come to embrace all eventually.
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The journey [19 Apr 2011|06:41pm]
I've been thinking a lot. Even thinking about not thinking.
Over thinking tends to be my bane. Stops me from accomplishing things I'd like to see come to fruition. Trying to make things perfect is a fruitless endeavor. I find myself using perfection as an excuse to not finish projects.

even this entry was supposed to be so much more than it is.
I wasn't going to post it just because I kind of lost my train of thought but it's fine i suppose.
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hmm [10 Apr 2011|01:30pm]
I always wonder about myself. Aspects

I feel like a thousand people.
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[17 Mar 2011|10:24am]
I like that my saved draft was an entry about Sean. Forgot I was writing about him. I usually start then I get too emotional and have to walk away from it. I just wish I could live like he did. He had so much to share and there was so much calm and love and peace radiating from him.

I could really use some of that right now.

I forgot what I was going to come on here and write about in the first place.

oh right hah... I just wanted to write it down so someday maybe I will look back on it and see it

You can't judge yourself by how much others have accomplished.
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Lei [23 Dec 2010|02:11am]
I don't like having this feeling. I feel as though my soul is searching but so is my body and my mind. They all search for different but similar things and its like I am fighting with myself. Pulling myself in one direction then heading in another. I feel a spiritual need to become more aware. I feel this longing to be with another soul. At the same time it feels like being with another person physically will cloud my mind and blind me to my spiritual growth i so desperately need right now. Should i pursue the arts? Pursue a partner? Just ignore these feelings for now and go on with what i am doing?

Sometimes it feels like I need to make a decision right now. And when I put it off I miss out on things I needed to experience. It is so hard to pull myself away from the distractions in life and to focus on these important things.

Posted via LjBeetle
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I should write more [04 Dec 2010|11:15am]
Theres a lot of things that I have had on my mind.
I think that if I could find a purely intellectual partner I would be much more happy.
I'm uncomfortable with feelings. and they are always changing anyways. They get too intense and people get too close too quickly.

I could tell people all day long about my past and all of the ups and downs and the bad things and the good things but it would be like reading a story. It's not who I am and it doesn't make us closer. All it does is perhaps open a topic we may both have something to discuss on. I guess what people don't seem to see is that just because we talk about things doesn't mean you are emotionally close to me.

knowing things about a person doesn't mean you know them.

Theres really so much going on inside. I'm getting so frustrated because of how much my mind is working. Overdrive trying to process all of my emotions and reactions. Sorting the information i have currently...
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Really LJ [24 Oct 2010|08:46am]
Really now we are implementing a nudge system? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
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Yay [03 Jul 2010|09:37am]
[ mood | energetic ]

Later today I shall be leaving for Sandusky Ohio for some Cedar Point action this 4th of July. Its sure to be a hell of a good time :D I'm pumped.

Going with Kristi-buns, Daniel-san, and Nacho<3.

Park is open til 1 am on the 4th and they do a fireworks show so it will be cool :)

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hmm [17 Jun 2010|09:06am]
I've been dating a guy for one month now. He is a peach. I think that I am happier than I was alone though its hard to really tell when it all seems so long ago. Not saying that in a bad way as I was the happiest I had been in years this past 8 months or so. I do know that he keeps me very happy and is an amazing sweetheart. Its rare to find someone I don't want to strangle 70% of the day or more, let alone someone that I genuinely enjoy being around.

I went to a concert a few weeks back and lost my motorola droid. It was quite a bummer buying a new one but I have a phone again and I'm happy. I also managed to get a terrible bruise on my knee from falling in the mosh pot. Oh and a bloody mouth since both my upper and lower lip got cut.
On the upside some guys had bought my friend and I about 6 drinks each on top of the 3 or 4 we bought for ourselves, so I didn't even notice I was beat to hell.
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Helloo [22 May 2010|02:31pm]
Things are going swimmingly.
I met a boy.

I am happy.
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hah! [09 May 2010|12:29am]
Sometimes I wonder why I spend $45 on a set of watercolor bricks. Then I realize they are the coolest fucking things in the world. ahhhh its amazing the difference in quality in art supplies sometimes.

I like having nice things.
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interesting [12 Mar 2010|11:01am]
This work thing is getting me down. Defining way too much of life I think. I really want to feel more like myself again.

I spend way too much time making small talk and being nice to everyone. I'm actually very much an asshole and I no longer get to express this :(

Things just aren't how they used to be...

I better do more spontaneous things. That always makes me feel better.
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Hm [07 Mar 2010|01:30pm]
I'm fairly certain I will be going to the kinetik festival in montreal. I'm mega fucking pumped about it. it should be beyond awesome imo.
Just gotta get my enhanced license so I can get into canada...

I also need to remember that I am better than everyone else and guys should be honored to get the chance to worship me.

And I've accepted the fact I am an exhibitionist of sorts.
3 comments|post comment

[08 Feb 2010|10:11am]
you are ghostwhite

Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy.

Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.

Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.
the spacefem.com html color quiz
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[01 Dec 2009|04:02pm]
1. What are your rough plans for the next five years? (I haven't seen you much lately so I'm curious about stuff like this.)
hm Roughly, I plan on going to delta to get the preQ for being a medtech. then transfer to CMU prolly and finish up and the go do clinicals. sounds good anyways. I am considering going to switzerland but I don't know german and wouldn't be able to go to college there until I was fluent in it. Im basically looking for a way out of MI.

2. What is your favorite month of the year, and why?
I don't think I have ever given this much of a thought before. I think I like January because it's the beginning of a new year. Holidays are over with and my bills all come in the beginning of the month and I get all the crap taken care of and then its my birthday on the 25th! and then I don't have much to worry about the rest of the year.

3. What is your favorite art form and why?
This is a hard one for me as well... I'll have to go with mixed :) I like to see things come together in different ways than normal. I like to dance and paint and sing and sculpt. and do them all at once is the best! I suppose if I had to choose I would probably pick sculpture.

4. How's your dad doing?
I'm very proud of him right now. He hasn't been doing this well for as long as I can remember. he's almost like a whole new person.

5. How have your nightmares changed since you were a kid?
I never had many nightmares growing up. if I did they were usually had horror movie villains in it. like I had one with freddy and jason and they were chasing me through the woods. I would trip and they would stop and give me a hand to help me get back up and they would chase me again. thats... as scary as nightmares used to get lol.
Nowadays my nightmares are much worse and much more realistic. I get dreams that keep me up all night because of how unsettling they are. I blame them for much of my insomnia
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Photos. [28 Nov 2009|10:16am]

From my trip to california.
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hurrah [05 Nov 2009|01:44pm]
[ mood | excited ]

So I am taking another trip.
I leave Saturday for California. Is it strange I already don't want to come back?


Well I will be staying with a friend of mine whom I have a bit of a crush on. Purely one of the nicest people I've known in some time. I'd compare him to as nice as my friend in NJ whom let me stay there on my last foray into the world.

I will hopefully be going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, wherever the redwoods are, and definitely to the beach to see the ocean!
Perhaps a few other things but I don't like to overcrowd my time and have to run on an itinerary the whole time.

I will also, hopefully, be taking an overabundance of photos of this trip this time lol. I failed miserably at that in NY, I was too busy enjoying everything to worry about photos. Its kind of meh, just take them to show other people. I don't normally revisit pictures because I remember it all clearly. Alas I had about 8 people request I take a million or so photos for them to gawk at so I will do my best.

5 comments|post comment

Aie [16 Oct 2009|01:03pm]

Much has happened. Not much worthy of saying though.
I'm no longer engaged, no longer taken.

Trying to recapture some things in my life I left to flutter away.

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd thats all for today!
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so something [06 Jun 2008|10:41am]
I never talk about it.

Its been on my mind since it happened.
This girl.

I miss her. Every little thing about her, every memory i carry flashes over and over.

This echo resounding around every action I make, every feeling I feel. It swells up inside of me and washes over me.

This was my best friend.

This was my childhood.

My heart aches and aches and I can see her there. I dream about her.
Life continues on without her radiance and I miss it here. I still feel her warmth sometimes.

And I look around and wonder how everyone can seem to forget about all the people we lose. And I can't understand how it can be. How this is life and we are bound to find people we love and people we care about and they ALWAYS always disappear. Without fail they will leave and you will be left alone. You reach out and you grasp. I feel the touch, the warmth, the love, everything wonderful and beautiful about knowing another person and sharing your life with them.

And then they are gone. And you are broken and alone and always always hurting.
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ramblings [29 May 2008|10:21pm]
I felt this change coming a long time ago.

It was all swelling up inside of me. Turmoiled, self doubting, dissillusioned I stumbled until this point.
Things are still not clear but now I have a vision of what I want. Its a vision of beauty love and eternity. Things that are all around every one of us, yet are so hard to obtain for yourself. I aspire to have these things all to myself. Is this a selfish desire... I'm not sure if I care.

These are things I think we should hope to have and strive for... but so many do not, and placate themselves with mindless passions and obesessions. I tire of these absurdities and sideshow attractions.

I will find more.
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