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[08 Feb 2010|10:11am] |
you are ghostwhite
#F8F8FF |
Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy.
Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.
Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.
| | the spacefem.com html color quiz |
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[01 Dec 2009|04:02pm] |
1. What are your rough plans for the next five years? (I haven't seen you much lately so I'm curious about stuff like this.)
hm Roughly, I plan on going to delta to get the preQ for being a medtech. then transfer to CMU prolly and finish up and the go do clinicals. sounds good anyways. I am considering going to switzerland but I don't know german and wouldn't be able to go to college there until I was fluent in it. Im basically looking for a way out of MI.
2. What is your favorite month of the year, and why?
I don't think I have ever given this much of a thought before. I think I like January because it's the beginning of a new year. Holidays are over with and my bills all come in the beginning of the month and I get all the crap taken care of and then its my birthday on the 25th! and then I don't have much to worry about the rest of the year.
3. What is your favorite art form and why?
This is a hard one for me as well... I'll have to go with mixed :) I like to see things come together in different ways than normal. I like to dance and paint and sing and sculpt. and do them all at once is the best! I suppose if I had to choose I would probably pick sculpture.
4. How's your dad doing?
I'm very proud of him right now. He hasn't been doing this well for as long as I can remember. he's almost like a whole new person.
5. How have your nightmares changed since you were a kid?
I never had many nightmares growing up. if I did they were usually had horror movie villains in it. like I had one with freddy and jason and they were chasing me through the woods. I would trip and they would stop and give me a hand to help me get back up and they would chase me again. thats... as scary as nightmares used to get lol.
Nowadays my nightmares are much worse and much more realistic. I get dreams that keep me up all night because of how unsettling they are. I blame them for much of my insomnia
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| hurrah |
[05 Nov 2009|01:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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Royskopp - What else is there? |
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So I am taking another trip.
I leave Saturday for California. Is it strange I already don't want to come back?
haha
Well I will be staying with a friend of mine whom I have a bit of a crush on. Purely one of the nicest people I've known in some time. I'd compare him to as nice as my friend in NJ whom let me stay there on my last foray into the world.
I will hopefully be going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, wherever the redwoods are, and definitely to the beach to see the ocean!
Perhaps a few other things but I don't like to overcrowd my time and have to run on an itinerary the whole time.
I will also, hopefully, be taking an overabundance of photos of this trip this time lol. I failed miserably at that in NY, I was too busy enjoying everything to worry about photos. Its kind of meh, just take them to show other people. I don't normally revisit pictures because I remember it all clearly. Alas I had about 8 people request I take a million or so photos for them to gawk at so I will do my best.
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| Aie |
[16 Oct 2009|01:03pm] |
So
Much has happened. Not much worthy of saying though.
I'm no longer engaged, no longer taken.
Trying to recapture some things in my life I left to flutter away.
annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd thats all for today!
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| so something |
[06 Jun 2008|10:41am] |
I never talk about it.
Its been on my mind since it happened.
This girl.
I miss her. Every little thing about her, every memory i carry flashes over and over.
This echo resounding around every action I make, every feeling I feel. It swells up inside of me and washes over me.
This was my best friend.
This was my childhood.
My heart aches and aches and I can see her there. I dream about her.
Life continues on without her radiance and I miss it here. I still feel her warmth sometimes.
And I look around and wonder how everyone can seem to forget about all the people we lose. And I can't understand how it can be. How this is life and we are bound to find people we love and people we care about and they ALWAYS always disappear. Without fail they will leave and you will be left alone. You reach out and you grasp. I feel the touch, the warmth, the love, everything wonderful and beautiful about knowing another person and sharing your life with them.
And then they are gone. And you are broken and alone and always always hurting.
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| ramblings |
[29 May 2008|10:21pm] |
I felt this change coming a long time ago.
It was all swelling up inside of me. Turmoiled, self doubting, dissillusioned I stumbled until this point.
Things are still not clear but now I have a vision of what I want. Its a vision of beauty love and eternity. Things that are all around every one of us, yet are so hard to obtain for yourself. I aspire to have these things all to myself. Is this a selfish desire... I'm not sure if I care.
These are things I think we should hope to have and strive for... but so many do not, and placate themselves with mindless passions and obesessions. I tire of these absurdities and sideshow attractions.
I will find more.
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| Yay |
[28 Mar 2008|06:37pm] |
things are going much better today.
Got my car back from the shop. and put my rims back on it.
It runs and its sexy and YAY so glad to have a car and not have to worry about that anymore.
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| Hah hah ahhaaaa oh god |
[28 Mar 2008|05:10am] |
I can't even admit to myself how bad I'm doing.
I'm thinking about a lot of bad things right now.
even worse I can't let anyone know about any of it.
I'm just tired of hurting.
I just reassure myself that this part is going to be the hardest.
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| oh my god |
[28 Mar 2008|05:05am] |
falling to pieces.
Best way I can put it right now.
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| Now for the news... |
[27 Mar 2008|07:02pm] |
Now we cover the riveting news occuring as it happens LIVE
I forgot what its like to have things to do. Plans for the weekend. People to see.
People that care. That WANT to see you.
Everyone that really cares about seeing me are all scattered around the planet and I won't see any of them for AGES.
This loneliness is compounded by the fact my car is in the shop and ... I have a vehicle to drive in its stead but it's not mine and it feels odd taking it out for whatever.
I think I may find something destructive to do. or contructive. Not sure yet.
Maybe someone will call me. I made enough effort to see people tonight....... maybe it will come back around for me.
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| WOOO |
[20 Mar 2008|07:42pm] |
YAY I'm going to freaking texas!!!
See you guys next week <3!!!!!
I get to see my Jon. My love yay purrrrr I am happy
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[16 Mar 2008|06:39pm] |
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music |
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Switchblade Symphony - Fear |
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I forgot how beautiful Switchblade Symphony is.
they make me sooo sleepy.
Can you hear me?
Can you help me?
Can you hear me now?
Hear me now...
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| you must have divided by zero.... |
[16 Mar 2008|03:18pm] |
I am doing my best to take care of myself first and foremost.
Pamper, love, and keep myself sane.
I smile for everyone.
I'm doing wonderful.
But I guess it caught up with me today. I've been feeling it coming for awhile now.
Just slightly overwhelmed and I blame it partially on hormones, I never can keep myself straight when those things start running.
I keep feeling like I'm getting kicked in the heart. it sucks. not like literally. but emotionally?
sigh. alright.
Well I'm off to see my friend <3 and smell pretty.
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| Chicccccaaa |
[06 Mar 2008|11:30pm] |
yesterday I went to chicago.
Won some tickets to a blackhawks game and was supposed to met Al Jourgensen. Well I was too tired from not sleeping and going into work for 9 hours then going on a 5 hour drive to chicago and then wow. A lot of not sleep so I didn't stick around long enough to meet Al but I still had an awesome time.
I would write moar but I have to go into work tonight. switched days last night and eh. I'm so tired.
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| Wow |
[03 Mar 2008|08:03pm] |
Sometimes I certainly have negative thoughts. sort of sucks that I promised I wouldn't write anything too overly depressing in here anymore. I suppose I could put it on private but eh.. Defeats the purpose in my mind. if it was something I wanted to keep to myself forever why not just keep it in my head instead of typing it out online and saving it??? might as well write it down on some toilet paper, wipe my ass with it and flush it down the toilet.
Not really but I just really wanted to say that.
I think in the fall I need to visit florida. I bet all my cousins will have their babies by then =P Not that I want to see them all that much really. Babies aren't really my thing. I just keep reassuring myself that I'd like kids if they were mine...
wow... little over two weeks and I go to texas. I'm so excited. But so nervous too.
^_^
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| questionable |
[25 Feb 2008|12:27pm] |
I’ve been thinking too much about you
See the sunset with no sleep at all
Constantly thinking about you
And I can’t get through this at all
I’ve been thinking too much about you
I’ve been staring at the floor
I’ve listened to all the tunes I love
but made me feel quite blue
I’ve been thinking too much about you
See the sunrise still no sleep at all
Constantly thinking about you
And my eyelids won’t close at all
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Why do love this song so much?
I need to try not to watch tv. it just makes me angry.
Sigh I think I just need a damn cigarette. I'm gonna try to finish bleaching out my hair. maybe followed by a cigarette. AND SHIT
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| eww attack |
[23 Feb 2008|03:57pm] |
Had a anxiety attack last night. Getting ready to leave with amber in the car and I couldn't find the vanilla cigarettes I bought yesterday. Soooo I snapped and started freaking out and tore apart the inside of my car and couldn't calm down and I felt like the biggest ass doing it in front of amber so I ran inside the house with the car running and ran up to my room and rode it out for a few mins.
heh I guess I was working up to it all night though. with the hair not going as planned and everyone making a HUGE deal about it. HUGE !!! DEAL!!! and matt blowing me off again even when he swore he would hang out.
I don't even know if they are anxiety attacks anymore. they kinda.. don't feel quite the same. Shorter. I guess... it feels like momentary loss of sanity. where before when I had them, hah it was like months of depression rolled into 10 mins. horrible horrible things. despair wooooe. anyways I guess I'm glad I don't get those ones cuz they are terrible.
I really don't know. I only sort of remember them nowadays. I just freak out basically. I start rambling and getting upset and flustered and frustrated because my thoughts aren't clear its just one thing over and over and over and over and I just get so stuck on this one thing... usually its when somethings lost and I HAVE TO FIND IT. Like I Can't stop freaking out unless I find it or I remove myself from those surroundings.
at least it doesn't happen very often.
ugh I'm just normally such a calm person.
hmm wonder if I won the lottery. I should go check.
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| Retards |
[22 Feb 2008|06:04pm] |
well I was checking online to see what toners people have used to get white hair and what they suggest cuz I've tried like two and neither were very good....
And I'm soooo tired of stupid fucking people that think hair color PERMANTLY damages your hair. like it will never grow back normal or something. OMG DONT DYE YOUR HAIR YOU WILL GO BAAAAALD FOREVERSSSS OMGZ NOESSS
anyways. they are stupid. its hair.
Anyways currently bleaching my hairs. Decided to use clariol 7th stage creme bleach this time. lightens 8-10 levels. Litttttle more strong than the kaliedocolors that I was using *which work great on just my roots but i had dyed my hair a level 2. its more of a lv 3-4 right now but i think theres still slight red undertones. I went for a blue brown black last time to counter the red in my hair but that shit is evil.
EVIL
hmm ok time to apply bleach to roots <3 haha trying to avoid having 18 different tones in my hair..... prolly won't be successful but dammit... I TRY
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